The unknown

Hanging by a moment here with you.

Sitting on my bed, candles lit and a solitary glass of red wine, Lifehouse playing in the background. Waiting to hear your voice. Find me here, speak to me. I want to feel you, I need to hear you.

I decide lying on the floor might be more holy, if less comfortable, and change position. I think about my day, think about what I did and what I prayed for, and feel foolish. I say out loud, ‘Jesus, I’ve got no idea what you’re about’ and then laugh at myself.

I think about how all the stuff I’ve prayed for is happening: how I’m at the place where I have to put theory and words into the now, into actions. A new start and a new me, a new relationship; and all I can think is, whoa, this faith thing is hard.

But does it really matter now, if I do not know how to figure this thing out? I am falling into grace, to the unknown to where you are. Every word on this album speaks to my racing heart, to the questions going around my mind about where I am and where I’m going, and what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong, and where God is in all this.

Yet for all this, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time: more free, more peaceful, more secure in who I am. I wouldn’t be walking any other road right now that the one I’m on, because I know this road is in the right direction, leading me to Him.

I’m finding my way back to sanity again
Though I really don’t know what
I’m going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back into the arms of Grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more
Than to sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing.


It’s all good.